A Day in the Life of Porkchop

"Wait?! What is that I hear? Is that Mama or Daddy getting up?!"

"Huh?" (mini grunt).

Yes! That was them!! "Huh?" (louder grunt)

"Huh?"

Grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt (getting progressively louder); waddle, waddle, waddle, tap, tap, tap (as Porkchop sachets through to the kitchen, and his hooves tap-tap on the floor....

"They better hurry up! GRUNT! GRUNT!! They know I'll cry and whine if they don't feed me, right?! AAARRRGGHHH!! Let me put a few Tim 'The Toolman' Taylors in there, too — that usually gets their attention!"

"Yay!!!! Food time!!! Yum, yum, yummy!! I don't know (slurp, crunch) what this is (slurp, crunch, crunch), but this is (slurp) sooooo gooood!! Uh-oh, it's going pretty fast! I hope they realize I'll need more food, before they leave for work. Nom-nom-nom."

"Hey, Mama! What you doing in there? Did you know the dogs just went out that hole in the back door? How come I can't go out? I can't really fit through the door, though. Huh?"

"I'm gonna stand right here so you don't forget about me and not give me any more food, ok? Good, she's heading toward my bowl again. HEY!!! She's cutting up some cucumbers! I like cucumbers! But make sure there's some regular food in there, too. Huh?"

Nom-nom-nom. "Ok, Mama — see ya later!" Nom-nom-nom. "So, what can I do today? I think I'm gonna rearrange the shoes, and then probably take a nap. I may even harass the dogs, for a bit, before I take another nap. They don't have full reign of the house like I do... Hey, I think I'll take a nap."

"I can't believe there's still not any more food in my bowl! Don't they know I'm a growing pig? I bet if they come in and can't find their shoes anywhere, they'll remember that they leave me here all day with nothing to eat. I'm so peckish, right now. At least they left me lots of water — maybe I can drink down enough to turn the water bottle over again. They like it when I do that."

"Hey, kitty! Don't you want to play? Ok — well — I guess not. I'll take another nap. Hey! I think I'm gonna go in the bedroom closet and wrap up in the blanket. Daddy laughed at me, the other day, when he couldn't find me. I had rooted up in my blanket, and Daddy said I looked like a pig in a blanket! Well, duh... I am a pig.... and I was in a blanket. Sometimes, Daddy is weird."

"Wait?! Was that Sadie barking? She's pretty good at letting me know when Mama or Daddy comes home. I'm listening! Yes!!! It is Daddy!!!!! I'm gonna do the piggie dance and talk to him, so he'll take me out as soon as he comes in. There he is!!! HEEEYYYYY Daddy!!!!! Grunt, grunt, huh? Grunt, arr, arr, grunt!! What you been doing today?!"

"Oh yeah, I guess we should let the dogs out, too. Come on, guys!!! Let's go outside! I bet I can beat ya'll to the fence! Hey! Don't run so fast! Grunt, grunt!!"

"Yay!!! I love running around in the grass. It is so much fun and so comfy. Well, not for a long time, cause I get pretty hot. Mama says it's cause I'm so fat. But, I don't think I'm that fat — the dogs are still bigger than me. I want to play with the dogs, but they run too fast and run me over, sometimes. There's Mama!! Time to go back inside, and eat!"

"Mama's been giving me spinach and green beans in the afternoon. I like that stuff. I'd rather have the pot-bellied pig food, but Mama says I eat too much of it. Plus, if I eat that, I usually get some popcorn later, when Mama makes some for herself. She always shares with me. She loves me."

"Hey, Mama! Don't you want to pet my belly for a while? Look how cute I am, laying here, rooting around and moving my nose. Ahhhhhh!!! Right there, that's the spot!!! I think I'm just gonna lay here for a while and rest my eyes."

"Pee break!!! Ok, now I'm hungry again!!! Heeyyy!! Mama, Daddy! Come feed me!! Starving pig, here! Ya'll will be going to bed soon, and I can't have any empty bowl!! HEEYYY!!!"

Thanks. Nom-nom-nom-slurp. Gosh, this is the life. I think I'm actually getting a little full. And tired. I'm gonna go on to bed, now. Got to rest up and do it all over again tomorrow!"