Porkchop: A Diary

When I write this column, every week, it is hard for me to remember all the funny or odd things Porkchop has done. So, as I was sitting here, working on the last edition of the paper, Porkchop, of course, did something that cracked me up. I knew I would forget it, if I didn't write it down immediately, so the idea of having a "Porkchop Diary" was born.

Saturday: Pot-bellied pigs, while they do have both an amazing sense of smell and hearing ability, they have horrible eyesight. So, as Porkchop was waddling in here, on his fat-roll legs (yes, he literally has fat rolls on his hind legs), he was grunting and "talking" to Toby. He was rooting around in his bed (a pillowcase with a towel in it) and I looked over the top of my MacBook and said, "You are such a cutie, Porkchop!" Well, that's what I started to say, anyway. About the time I said "You are," he jiggled, because I startled him. Then, as if that wasn't enough, Sadie thought I was talking to her, and she jumped off the couch, right beside him! Porkchop jumped, grunted real loud a few times, and then hit the ground! That's his defense strategy — although I can't for the life of me figure out how that would help in a dangerous situation. Unless, of course, if the danger was underneath him! We had some quality snuggle and piggy-kisses time, after that scare. Piggy-kisses are given on the end of the nose — and are so sweet!!

Sunday: Porkchop threw a fit, today, because he wanted granola, but got fresh green beans, instead. Yes — that's right, folks — he knew what he wanted, and green beans were not it! He did not win that fight, however. I did try to at least get it on video, but, of course, he was "Mr. Perfectly Quiet," when I got my phone out...

Monday: You know it's bad, when you have to sneak around your own house, just so you don't wake up the pig! I had to go to work, early Monday morning, to get the paper "put to bed," so I was trying to be pretty quiet. But, have you ever noticed how, when you're trying to be quiet, you end up making a lot more noise?! I've said it before, but Porkchop has exceptional hearing... I think he's one of those that have selective hearing, though, because he acts like he can't hear us when we call him, sometimes! Anyway, he heard me as soon as I got out of the bed, and came running from his closet (where he sleeps), grunting and whining like he was starving to death! That poor, pitiful, malnourished pig! We've spoiled him entirely too much, though, as I'm sure you've noticed from the articles I've written, he expects a treat every morning. His favorite treat, at this time, is a piece of granola bar. He LOVES those and goes insane when he sees that green wrapper. Hopefully, one day soon, I'll get it on video and you can see it on Porkchop's Facebook page!

Tuesday: We bought new bags of feed for the dogs and cats, today. We brought them in the house, set them in the kitchen floor, and forgot about them. That is, until we realized that Porkchop was nowhere to be found, and, then, we heard a ripping and tearing noise. It seems that he took it upon himself to try to tear open the bag of cat food, so the cats could have some food. He didn't actually get it open, because I ran in there and found out what he was doing!

Wednesday: For those of you with pets, I would like to ask: do they continually step on your toes? I don't know what it is about our dogs and Porkchop, but I ought to have some really tough "toesies"... This morning, as I was attempting to feed a "starving" pig, he stepped (with all his weight) on the very tips of my three little toes, and just ground them into the floor. OUCH!! I hate to admit it, but I had to give him a piece of my mind, after that. I told him, later, that I was sorry (even though he didn't care that I hollered; all he wanted was his food).

Thursday: If you've never had a pot-bellied pig as a pet, you don't know what you are missing! Porkchop is such a character, and he always keeps me laughing. Tonight, for whatever reason, he decided to take off, running at full speed, inside the house. He ran from the kitchen to the hallway; back through the kitchen; made a loop around the living room; then, ran around the bedroom and back again. And, I do mean, "at top-speed"! You wouldn't think such a fat, low-to-the-ground piggie would be able to run as fast as he does. I believe the dogs were getting as tickled about it as I was, especially when he ran full speed into the couch and TV stand, because he used to be able to fit in between there!

Friday: We have a board across the doorway of our bathroom, so that Porkchop can't come in there (he likes to pee on the rug)... For the first week, both my husband and I tripped over that board more times than we could count! Porkchop could jump over the board, but he hasn't figured that out, yet. This morning, he was crying and hanging his head over the top of the board, wondering why he wasn't allowed in there. I told him, "You can't come in here, Porkchop; you'll pee on the carpet." He looked up at me, with those beautiful blue eyes, and I could tell he was thinking, "Yes, I sure would. Isn't that what it's there for?!" You can just see in his eyes how intelligent he is, and always thinking, or trying to get one up on you (for treats, or what-have-you). I love that fat pig!